Shehnaj Parveen Sarma

Have you ever felt taken for granted in your relationship ? Have you cared more for others than yourself ? Do you feel difficult to say NO ? Have you ever been heard or acknowledge ? If your answer is yes then you are not alone and it’s high time to set healthy boundaries in our relationships .


Boundaries are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you want to allow between yourself and others.Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you are mean,selfish or uncaring it means that you care of yourself and others equally.

Personal boundaries help you decide what types of communication and behaviour is acceptable to you.


Healthy Personal Boundaries :


Taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while not taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others .

People with poor boundaries typically come in two flavors: those who take too much responsibility for the emotions/actions of others and those who expect others to take too much responsibility for their own emotions or actions.

Interestingly, these two types of people often end up in relationships together.


Our personal boundaries aren’t as obvious as a fence or a giant “no trespassing” sign, unfortunately. They’re more  invisible yet demand respect.


Even though personal boundaries can be challenging to navigate, setting and communicating them is essential for our health, well-being, and even our safety.


We can set boundaries for our personal space, emotions and thoughts, religious sentiments,culture our possessions etc.

These boundaries we set for ourselves makes us honour the boundaries others which in turn improves our relationships with others,gives us space to grow and be vulnerable .


Only setting boundaries is not enough we have to maintain healthy relationships that involves honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other’s independence, can make their own decisions without fear and share decisions.


To maintain healthy boundaries in a relationship it should be built on the three “C” : Communication, Compromise and commitment without which the very structure of any relationship would collapse. Partners should also find healthier ways to express criticism and healthy expression in all contexts.


But when a relationship becomes toxic and when one or both partners feels worse about themselves in the relationship they should immediately seek help from professionals or from people who know how to advice and work together towards making the relationship better and healthier and happier .

Learn to say NO without guilt and YES because you want to do it and it makes you happy .



I love and respect myself and I recognise that something is not healthy for me so I decide to set clear  boundaries to protect myself and my relationships.

Shehnaj Parveen Sarma from Guwahati practicing NLP counsellor and Life Coach and has a Facebook Page called Mind Triggers related to counselling.